Raccoon Battles and Bowel Movements: The Fantasy of the All-Inclusive Resort

I am as susceptible as anyone to a fantasy. Words like “gourmet” and the name of a fancy chef flying into town were peppered throughout the email invitation. I was in: sign me up for a week of relaxing at an all-inclusive resort by the sea, eating desert fruit and fresh Caribbean seafood, and interviewing the star chef. Was this real life, I wondered, as I dug out my bathing suit from its winter hiding spot? Or was I counting my freshly caught mahi-mahi before it came anywhere near the line? The answer, I’m afraid, comes with the reality that I just now had to Google what kind of fish might be … [Read more...]

Mac and Miso: Inspiration and Failure

I broke my blog. I wasn't paying attention, and I hit update on something, and it overrode changes I'd made that do minor things. Things I'm sure other people don't even pay attention to, like whether the ads fit in their boxes or not. Whether there is a 'next post' button at the bottom of the page. My blog is broken, and while I designed it my self, I'll be honest, it was a while ago and I can't for the life of me remember how I made it work before. This was supposed to be a post about inspiration. Specifically about the chef and photographer who inspired the dish above and the photo I … [Read more...]

One Burner Bitch

One Burner Bitch is the theoretical name I came up with for my imaginary blog about the week I've had without a stove. This little guy in the picture above has been my only heat source, and I tell you what: It has made me bitchy. So first, the situation as it stands now: I would show the 'before' picture but it made me cry, so I don't want to have it hanging around the blog. Long story short? I dropped my KitchenAid mixer onto the glass top stove. It was ugly. I had bread in the oven and let that finish baking, but once we removed the broken glass, we unplugged the whole thing to avoid … [Read more...]

Carlos eats the Quadstrocity

Last night I met Carlos. He was a very cool guy and had recently (six hours prior) completed a task both ridiculous and amazing. --Side note: Guys, this is gross. Grandma, stop reading. I'll get you a nice post on a Guatemalan restaurant soon-- He ate a doubled up double down. What is that? You may have read about the Double Down--a sandwich where the bread is replaced by fried chicken, enveloping bacon and cheese. So Carlos, my new buddy over here put two together, called it the Quadstrocity and ate it. Isn't the buzz about this stupid sandwich over? You might wonder. Probably. So why am I … [Read more...]

Why Bad Food Can Be Good For You

To eat truly terrible food every once in a great while can actually be a blessing in disguise. As I unloaded my treats and treasures carried from New Orleans this weekend into my fridge last night, I gave thanks for all the great food I eat. I very rarely eat really awful food anymore. I'm not talking McDonald's French fries, to which I'm morally opposed, and which are terrible for you, but let's be honest folks, taste amazing. I'm talking food that tastes, looks and if we're on such levels, acts in such a way that you expect it to come from a child's diaper. People eat bad food for … [Read more...]

Know Your Limits

There is a reticence I feel when writing about screwing up a dish. Nobody wants to read about bad food, why would they read articles by someone who makes the same mistakes they could? So after a failure this weekend, I was hesitant to write this morning. Never-mind that I successfully made ice cream twice this weekend, my first two times (caramel and sea salt and honey-rosemary). That is not what I think about as I sit down to inform my readers out there in internet land. I can think only of my screw ups this weekend. I've long known that baking is not for me. I don't like measuring and I … [Read more...]

Gourd-Tastic, Part 2: A failed pumpkin pie

Okay, I know I should pretend I am fantastic at everything and all, but I admit it--I failed at pumpkin pie. Not directly through any fault of my own, of course. Not really.Basically I have never made a pie before and at B's suggestion, decided to try my hand at it. Using the beginner's bible (aka Mark Bittman's How to Make Everything) I followed a pretty simple recipe for flaky pre baked pie crust. Problem 1: I didn't have unsalted butter. Okay, no problem, I like salt, I omitted the salt from the recipe and used salted butter. Then I started making the filling. Problem 2: We had about half … [Read more...]